Being INTP


I just took a personality test on because I watched an interesting video on Youtube before that, about a girl having 4 other personalities and they are all male. She made them taking the same personality test to know each other better. It's really interesting because imagine recording yourself when you're not yourself, then watch the recording when you are back to yourself. That's how weird the whole system is, but it helps me to destigmatize the perception I had on people who have dissociative identity disorder. Because the mainstream media often portrays them to be violent towards each other and other people.You can understand this if you have watched the movie Split.

Okay, jump straight to my personality. My personality type is INTP, I changed from ENTP. I was always an ENTP, but gradually turning introvert.

The extreme spectrums showed on my result is
  • Thinking 76% - 24% Feelings
  • Judging 18% - Prospecting 82%

I have always scored more toward thinking side but before it wasn't this hardcore. I am consistently trying to improve on my feelings capabilities because I know I am insensitive. But what people don't know is, it is not that I don't understand others' feelings but I don't understand feelings in general and that includes mine.

It is not easy being with me, either as friend or a lover (we put family out from this equation because they have no choice other than loving me ahahaha). When my boyfriend and I have arguments, it is always me who's mean with words. I feel really bad towards my boyfriend who is an ENFP, the highly sensitive personality. But we decided to turn it to a good thing in a sense that I supply the logical part and he teaches me a lot about feelings. For example, when I have a disagreement with someone else, I would write a draft of text before I actually send it. My boyfriend would proofread to check not the grammar but my sensitivity!!! And about my boyfriend, he always gives in to people to a point I always think people are taking advantages on him, I got to be the one who encourages him to step forward and speak up, in which, he never does! Because he is tooooooo sensitive about how others are feelings as a consequence of what he does or say jeezuz cries.

The other aspect we have differently is he is an extrovert and I am an introvert. He is the social person who commits to meet his friends on social events which I always pray I don't have to. I would prefer talking one-to-one with my friend rather than meeting people in group. I think I have developed a strong hatred towards crowds. I know people think I am an extrovert because I often be the one who speaks in public. I can be on stage and debate. But that's the intellectual part in me since INTP values intellectual above everything else. If not for career or study purposes, hell no I would take part in anything involving crowds.

Honestly I have to improve more on my emotional sides. I need to develop understanding to feelings to at least balance out the score between thinking - feeling. People said to me several times that I have low emotional part so I don't get hurt as much as others did. It's a misconception because I get hurt too. As long as my heart is beating, I am subjected to pain. It is just that I can't express it myself because I find it easier to dismiss feelings. At some points, I don't even know when my feeling is hurt. I took some times to think what is it that I felt? When I discovered I was actually sad, then it is not relevant anymore because things happened 6 months ago. It would be extremely weird to go back to the person and say

Hmm remember you hurt me that day? Yea I am sad now

Doesn't make sense at all. So every sadness I feel usually end up with dismissal.

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